I've blown a few things in my day
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
