Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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