well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
