Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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