Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
