kristin has been a bad kristin
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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