dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
