what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
