You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
pop tarts are not kleenex
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
