There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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