Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
