i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
