She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
