you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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