I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I did not marry a roomba.
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