I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
