Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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