Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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