Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
