plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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