I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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