This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
