pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
