ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
