we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You left your phone here
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