I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
