I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
