LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
