he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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