I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
