HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
