just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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