yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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