can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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