i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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