is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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