i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
