My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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