She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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