bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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