We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
