i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
