i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
