my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize