I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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