Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
