He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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