Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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