maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
