we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
