You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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