"it" just moved
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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