You just made me feel so damn special
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
