All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
