I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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