i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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