Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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