3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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