maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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