I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
