This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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