i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
