she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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