Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize