We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
