Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
