who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
There's even glitter on my cock...
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