You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
