SEEEEXXX PLEASE
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
