Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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