That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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