Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
