So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
