yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
