My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
