How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
