I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Boobs speak an international language.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
