I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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