At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
